At Forty-All the Fucks Left the Room

I have been fighting getting older for years. If I’m being honest, I don’t see what’s so great about “aging gracefully”. My mindset has been more of, “I’m not going down without a fight.”

Why should we go grey when God invented hair color? Or let ourselves go when we can eat well and exercise to fight the inevitable softness that comes with aging?  

Some things we can’t control like spider veins and cellulite, but I’m of the mindset that it’s a gift to be able to exercise and eat healthy and I’m doing everything in my power to keep youthful.

However, mentally, aging is something I am embracing whole heartedly. When I turned 40 years old, something just clicked and all those years I spent worrying about what everyone else thought just went away.

I no longer did things or said things to please relative strangers. My guiding light was myself, my belief system and my inner circle of loved ones.

It took a while to get there, but the long journey was so worth it for the freedom that comes with not caring what anyone else thinks.

Last year I had an epiphany at my dear friend Arielle’s 50th birthday. It was a glorious night on a rooftop bar in NYC. Everyone there was so full of love and joy, to be able to celebrate our beloved friend and be together after so many months of shutting ourselves away. The energy and gratitude was palpable. 

Arielle introduced me to her friend, Sarah who she unfortunately met in a bereavement group after they both lost their moms. Sarah told me she had a seven year old daughter and I guess my expression told her that I was surprised she had such a young child since most of us in the room were experiencing the joy of raising teenagers.

Sarah told me she married late and really wanted a baby so against what everyone else thought she should do, she met with a specialist, did in vitro fertilization and was thrilled to have a baby in her mid 40’s.

Sarah went on to say that if she had listened to everyone else, she would never have had the opportunity to experience motherhood and that her daughter is the best thing that ever happened to her.

I was inspired by her story and expressed how as we get older it’s amazing how we stop listening to the noise of others and start listening to the inner voice of our souls. Sarah eloquently said, “yeah, when I turned 40, all the fucks left the room.”

I might have laughed a little too loudly because the truth resonated with me in the most profound way.

Forty was just the beginning. With each passing year and phase of my life, I realize I don’t need the approval of many, just the peace of one.

As I am about to embark on my next 365 day journey around the sun, I am incredibly grateful for my life and know turning older is not a privilege granted to everyone. Now that I've entered this next decade, there is a part of me that feels relieved and joyful. I can’t wait to see what other BS leaves the room and makes space for amazing things yet to come.