Everything That I Say and Do…

My kids recently told me that I say the same ten things to them all the time. I laughed because I know it’s true and I laughed because most of what I say is obvious. 

Things like, “Did you clean up your room?” When I know they didn’t.

Or during the school year, “Do you have a lot of homework?” When I know they do.

That’s the everyday stuff that they are mocking me for, but there are also things I say every day that I’m glad are obvious and repetitive. 

Like, “I love you” and “I’m so proud of you.” And to Lexie and Kerri while they’re away at college, “I miss you” and, “I can’t wait to see you.”

As my kids get older and I get wiser, I can honestly say I am a more relaxed mom. Things that used to stress me out, I am just better about letting go.

When my daughter, Kerri, came home from college for the summer she noticed a frame was missing from the wall in the living room and asked what happened.

I told her Jack broke it when he was playing soccer in the house.  Annoyed, she said, “Are you kidding me? You let Jack play soccer in the house?!”

She got even more mad when I laughed and said, “I was playing with him.”

Suffice to say, when she was in high school, I didn’t let her play sports in the house. Something shifted in me and now things that used to be a big deal, just aren’t anymore.

It’s a gift for my kids and it’s a gift for me. Life is too short to be so rigid.

Jack only has two more years of high school. My baby, my last kid, just 24 more months living full-time under my roof. So if he asks me to play soccer or watch Spiderman or go to church, you can bet I’m all in.

Parenting is tough. At times, bring you to your knees tough. I feel foolish for thinking things would get easier when my kids got older. I may get to sleep more than when they were infants and toddlers, but the worry-it never goes away. 

My desire for them to be happy and healthy is often out of my control.

I’ve been saying this for a few years now and I’m convinced more than ever that it's true.

“Everything that I say and do, is because I love you and want the best for you.” 

It may not seem like it to them if I get mad about a missed assignment or encourage them to wake up before 2pm and do some chores around the house. But it is true-every second, of every minute, of every day. 

One day when we were looking at baby pictures, Jack said, “You love baby Jack more than me.”

I was sad he thought that and said, “That’s definitely not true because I love you more and more each day.”

I think back to the day my kids were born and the overwhelming love I felt for a stranger. Now they are teens and young adults and I just can’t believe that my heart can hold this much love.

I have no doubt that my kids know that I love them more than life itself. But I don’t think they can fathom the depths of my love, how their happiness is my happiness and how I’d give my life for them over and over again. 

My mom would always say, “You just can’t imagine the love a mother has for her children.” I was like of course I can because I love you so much too. But I was woefully underprepared for the love I’d have as a mama.

On her deathbed, as I held my 3 week old Caity, I sobbed and I told her I finally understood. She was right… no love can compare. 

So until my kids have their own kids, I pray they have so much love in their lives. From God, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, significant others. An abundance of love to last many lifetimes.

And one day, I hope they too know what it is to be a parent and experience that kind of love. 

Maybe then they will believe me when I say, “Everything that I say and do, is because I love you and want the best for you.”