Closure-The Final Goodbye

Just the other day I was watching an episode of Friends on TV with my daughter. It was the one where Rachel calls Ross drunk from a date and tells him that she’s moved on. 

She says, “I am over you and that my friend is what they call closure.”

For those of you who didn’t watch Friends or don’t recall the context, basically by the time Rachel realized she had feelings for Ross, he was in a relationship with Julie.

Although Rachel wanted to be with Ross, she ultimately realized he was happy and needed to let him go.

It got me thinking about closure and all the times in my life that I needed it. I’ve only had a few long term relationships, and each time, regardless of who decided to end things, it was always hard to let go.

I am a super sap by nature and feel deeply even when the other person didn’t always deserve it. I’m working on that…

Sometimes closure is saying your peace and moving on. Sometimes, it’s forgiveness for the ways the other person hurt you or maybe even for your part in the demise of the relationship.

There are many ways down the path of closure, but one thing I know for sure is that you can’t have closure until you’re really, truly done. And that a break up doesn’t happen on just one day-it happens over time.

Breaking up is sometimes the easy part, but for some it’s the “putting yourself back together” that’s the challenge.

I’ve seen many people jump from one relationship into another. Maybe they believe being in someone else’s arms will erase the comfort of the old embrace.

I’ve tried that method and 100% of the time it doesn’t work. And there’s a good reason for it. 

If you don’t give yourself any time in between relationships, it’s just a replacement because you’re afraid to be alone.

When alone is the best thing you could do for yourself. Alone is the only way to figure out who you are, what you really want, and what you’re not willing to sacrifice on.

After my last long term relationship, I dated a few different guys. I thought I needed a boyfriend to make me happy, so I kept looking.

What I realized after the last guy is that my time is my most valuable currency and not just anyone gets to share in that. That’s reserved for extra special people in my life.

Lucky for me, I already have the best family and friends in the whole world.

My closure didn’t come from a rebound guy or a bonfire lighting all my ex’s stuff on fire (although that could be fun).

But I did decide to throw away most of the cards he had given me.

They all basically said the same stuff anyway-”I love you”, “you’re my soulmate”, “I want to be with you for the rest of my life”, “I’m sorry.”

I re-read the cards one last time and then I threw them all away, except I held on to just one.

I didn’t need to keep 30 different versions of the same lies.

My ultimate closure came when I realized I don’t need to put the pieces of myself back together anymore, because I was never really broken in the first place. 

I am whole, just as I am.

And that’s what I call closure.

Wishing y’all lots of love, peace and happiness.