If It's Not That...I Don't Want It

Over Christmas break, my daughter’s boyfriend from college came to visit. We went to the airport together to pick him up. When they finally found each other, they locked eyes and she full-sprinted to him.

He dropped his bag and she jumped in his arms. Then they just stayed in an embrace, her legs wrapped around him for at least 10 seconds before talking or kissing hello.

It was one of the most heart warming greetings I have ever seen. I got teary eyed and was so grateful I captured it on video. 

It had only been three weeks since they saw each other, but they missed each other so much, it was beautiful to witness their reunion.

Since my divorce 4 years ago, I have only had one long term relationship. It started out strong, but our relationship lacked some fundamentals and I realized chemistry wasn’t enough. So after 2 years, we broke up.

Since then, I have dated a few other guys, but nothing lit my fire enough to stay.

The good news about being single for a while is that I actually realized there are many positives.

I can come and go as I please. I can stay up too late reading or watching White Lotus in bed with some fro yo. No one asks or cares how I spend my money. I can even sleep side ways, hog the covers, and sleep in-all at the same time.

Working on myself has been such a gift, now I’m stronger and smarter. I realized I’m ok without someone which is the biggest takeaway because it means I’m not settling. I hope you don’t either.

I knew when I was dating different guys that something was missing with each one of them. But at the end of the day, what was missing was my feeling like my daughter did when she saw her boyfriend. 

No one has made me want to run through an airport in a long time. 

I couldn’t put that into words until I saw it firsthand. Now I know definitively what I want my next love to look like.

So I’ll continue to live my life-focus on myself, my kids, my friends and on my writing. 

But I’m not giving up on the hope that one day, I’ll find full-sprint, running through the airport kind of love.

And until I do, if it’s not that… I don’t want it.