It’s Hard to Be Sad, When She’s So Happy

You would think it would get easier to send your child off to college when you’ve done it before. But alas, sending my third daughter off to college doesn’t feel easier at all.

In fact, in some ways it feels harder than the first two. Maybe it’s because there is one less baby in the house. Or maybe it’s because time keeps ticking on even though I have begged it to stand still, even for just a little longer.

The day before her actual graduation we had a big party at our house. More than 80 people came to celebrate my beautiful daughter and her amazing accomplishments.

Friends, neighbors, relatives, even a few teachers came to say congratulations and wish her well. We drank and ate and drank some more and laughed until well into the night.

The next day was her actual graduation. It was a lovely ceremony followed by a luncheon and then we all crashed for a mid-day siesta, exhausted from the prior day’s festivities.

After my nap, I was lying in bed posting photos on Facebook when suddenly she came into my room looking really sad. When I asked what happened, she burst into tears and said, “I’m not ready to leave.”

Then I lost it and we cried together as we embraced. I told her she was born ready while silently thinking to myself, “she is more than ready, even though I am not and not sure I ever will be.”

Doesn’t whoever invented going away to college know how hard this is? I loved her from the moment of conception, maybe even before that, if possible.

I grew her inside of me for nine months, felt her so alive even before she took her first breath. She was mine and the love I felt for her was beyond any logic. After she was born and the nurse placed her in my arms, I bawled. So many tears of love and overwhelming joy. How could I be so lucky to have made this perfect human being?

My cupeth of love run over.

Then for eighteen plus years, we lived together, ate countless meals, sang songs, played games, laughed together, cried together, all under the same roof. Every day for 18 years…

And then one day, just like that, poof, they move someplace else and we’re supposed to be ok with that?

They pack up, say goodbye to their family home and move into a tiny dorm room they are most likely sharing with a total stranger. 

And somehow they are excited about it. The desire to spread their wings supersedes their need for comfort, for familiarity, for home. 

Like a story unfolding, they know it’s time to turn the page and head into the next chapter.

I know that the fact that my daughter is so excited for this next phase of her life means I have done my job well.

Even though there is a part of me that is heartbroken, I will hug her goodbye with minimal tears and remember my sister’s wise words, “It’s hard to be sad, when she’s so happy.”

Fly high my love, I’ll miss you everyday…